Railroads & Streams
For those who don’t know, I am assistant leading a missions trip to Bangladesh this summer. I don’t think I truly knew what I was signing up for when I filled out the application, but I knew that the Lord was in it. It has been so entirely overwhelming at times & I have often asked myself why on earth I willingly applied for such a responsibility. But then the Lord does something incredible in our team & I am once again reminded of what a joy it is to be a part of God’s kingdom.
We have been having team building activities the past few Saturdays & while I personally believe it should be a sin to set an alarm on a Saturday, I nevertheless am up at 8 to have breakfast with the team. A few weeks ago I groggily rolled out of bed 10 minutes before we were supposed to meet, threw my hair in a messy ponytail & ran out the door. My “not-so-morning” self didn’t expect much to come from this day (probably because I didn’t feel like investing much), but the Lord had other plans.
After breakfast in downtown Waxahachie, we found ourselves at an old railroad bridge that had long since been abandoned. The team cautiously navigated their way along the bridge making sure to not fall through the slots between each piece of wood. And I, as usual, threw caution to the wind & tried to see how fast I could make it down to the end. Running underneath this bridge was a stream which only gave me a greater sense of thrill as I hurriedly skipped along the wooden beams, hoping to not fall into the water. This stream that provided me with such a strange sense of thrill & adventure would later be the very thing that the Lord used to speak to me.
As I was sitting on this old railroad bridge I began to realize how often I wish my life was like that bridge. From where I was sitting I could look ahead & see exactly where the railroad was headed. It was a straight shot. No twists & turns. No unexpected curves. Just smooth, straight lines. And then I looked down at my feet that were dangling high above a stream which winded through trees that had finally been kissed with the colors of fall. There was no straight shot with this stream. Instead, it zigzagged along with no apparent structure & no clear destination. It was muddied with foliage & rubbish that had fallen into its waters. Roots from the trees that lined the stream’s banks stretched out for the water like a child reaches out for its mother’s arms. As I sat there, I began to see the similarities in that stream with my life. You see, no matter how much I wish my life was like a railroad bridge, it never will be. There will always be unexpected twists & turns & I may never have a clear picture of what the end destination will be. Or maybe I will get the “bigger picture”, but be left without any apparent indication of how to get there. But I am learning to be okay with that—I am learning to be okay with not knowing. I think the Church (& society as a whole) has made us feel like not knowing is a bad thing, but I think it is a natural thing. The more I learn & see, the less I know. Every answer that I get just brings up a question I hadn’t thought of before… I will always have more questions than answers.
So maybe my life isn’t just smooth, straight lines all the time but I know that the Lord is directing it—even through all the winding curves that so often seem like they have no destination in mind. And there may be some foliage & rubbish that has fallen into the stream of my life, but it proves that I’ve been somewhere & I’ve learned from it. Our scars are proof of our greatest victories. But most of all, I have roots reaching deep into my waters. And these roots are evidence that my life can be nourishment for others, even when I feel like I’m getting lost along the way. As long as my life brings hope & encouragement to others I’ll gladly accept the twists & turns along the way.
I’m not going to worry about where I’m headed. I’m not going to doubt that He is guiding simply because I can’t see what’s ahead of me. I’m going to stop trying to fill in the blanks because I think He’s taking too long. Instead, I am going to appreciate the ways He chooses to unfold this story of mine.
Forgive me Lord for ever wanting a railroad when You intended a stream.
I will let Him direct the course of my stream. Who’s directing yours?
